4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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