ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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