This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
