i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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