My friends, they love my intelligence
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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