are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
