ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
