We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
