nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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