Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
