Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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