your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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