NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
