Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
