I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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