i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
