I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
