Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
