I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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