You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My bed smells like the plague
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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