i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
