Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
