you would pick up someone in the library
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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