just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
