p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
