Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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