Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
