it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
