Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
