i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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