i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
