hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
