I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
