Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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