Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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