:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
