Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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