i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
