Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is my gift to your gina
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
