Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
