So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
