Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
either way he was missing a nipple.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
