Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
