I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
