Where is the hickey?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
