Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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