Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
