the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
