Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
