I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
